Ok To Start Chemo

I saw my Surgeon on Thursday and I have the all clear to start Chemo.

I have to meet with a new group of Oncologists at the Local Hospital  in Glens Falls  that has a Cancer Center then I won't have to travel 90mins away... that was a relief. I have an appt. next Friday at 2pm to get the ball rolling.

I won't have to deal with being tortured with needles .. they are going to install a port under my collarbone so it will have easy access ... that was a relief.

They have meds now that they assure me it won't make me "too" sick ... we shall see. They did say I need to bring someone with me for the first treatment to see "how sick" I get.

I will lose some if not all hair - but it will grow back after the treatments.

I have to go once every 3 weeks for 18 weeks.  I will be monitored for my white count and several other levels the whole time.

At the end of the series I will get a full set of Cat Scans and blood tests to see if I need another round or if once will be enough.

I'm going to need to invest in some reading material .... each session is at least 4 hours ... and that is if everything goes perfectly with no hold ups or equipment malfunctions.

They were contemplating doing more surgery to do deeper biopsies due to the aggressive nature of the type of Ovarian cancer I have. But, either way if they found more or not I would still have to go through Chemo. Since more surgery would just delay the chemo they decided against it and will see what things look like after wards.

I have been diagnosed at:

Stage IC (T1c, N0, M0): The cancer is present in one or both ovaries and one or more of the following are present:

• Cancer is on the outer surface of at least one of the ovaries.

• Laboratory examination found cancer cells in fluid or washings from the abdomen.

I am 1 stage away from Stage II  but still in the safest/most curable category.

So depending on how fast the new team can install the port I could be starting all this fairly quickly.  

On the upside I won't have to deal with all this hot hair for summer ;)

Nothing Can Be Easy

I got my results on Thursday.

They found an independent Cancer growing in my Ovary that is more aggressive than the Endometrial Cancer.

He said it was fairly unusual for 2 separate types of cancer to start and grow at the same rate but, it looks like that's what was happening.

Before and after they performed the surgery they did an abdominal wash and both times it showed Cancer cells floating around in there. They matched the cells from the Ovarian Cancer type.

Had it just been contained to the Uterus this would all be over but they were surprised by the Ovarian Cancer as well. It's a rarer type of cancer with a huge long name. This type is sneakier and can hide in places not able to bee seen by the naked eye and can regenerate.

So without getting too technical I have to start Chemotherapy :(

So now I have losing my hair and being sick as a dog to look forward too. Even though he says I won't get sick ... he didn't mention hair and I was in too much of a state to think of a lot of questions.

I still need to heal from the hysterectomy for 2 more weeks then I go back and talk about chemo and when it will start and ask all the questions.

He said it will probably be once every 3 weeks for 6 months. Then blood tests every 3 months after that for a year to make sure it's gone and stays gone.

My head is kind of spinning now and my nerves are shot.

The only thing good about all this is if I hadn't of had the Uterine Ca. they never would have found Ovarian Ca. as is doesn't exhibit many symptoms until its much farther a long and harder to treat.... and all the lymph nodes they took were negative.

So I am trying not to panic and stay positive but when I had my biopsies I heard ... stay positive it's going to be ok but it wasn't ... then when I was told I had to have surgery I was told be positive the surgery will take care of it .. but it didn't .. so now when they tell me be positive the Chemo will take care of it ... well I can't exactly say I can fully believe that.

So I'm scared and worried and stressing. I have so much going on in my head right now it's a wonder I remember to put my socks on before my shoes.

Anyway ... that's where I'm at .... 2 more weeks ...

My only saving grace in all of this is I feel ok other wise and have now lost a total of 220 pounds. That in itself is pretty amazing.

I have to be ok from all this ... I just have to be. God can't have let me get this far just to punch my ticket now.

Right???

I'm Still Kickin'

I am finally somewhat back to normal ... I have an old laptop fired up from here in bed.

I am getting around but the chair I have for my pc is a gravity recliner thing I bought and its just a bit too low to be comfortable right now.

Surgery went well ... (don't get me started on the hospital - that is a story for when I have more energy ... lets just say more torture with the IV's ... they never listen to me. I am so bruised and sore it's disgusting)

I will know next week the full results but right now they are saying things look great.

I really do feel quite good though otherwise ... my last surgery, I couldn't move for days ... this time I am getting up and down with little to no issue .. I even went for a ride in the car last night. I have to say this DaVinci machine does wonders!

What Next?

Time for some updates. I haven't been posting much lately because I just can't deal with everything well right now. My mind is going 90 miles per hour and can't slow down long enough to focus well.

But, here goes:

I haven't been feeling good for a couple months and was chalking it up to the Bypass surgery. Just more bumps in the road - I'm used to it But something kept telling me it was more than that especially when I started having abnormal bleeding. It's been so bad since the surgery I wasn't sure it wasn't surgery related. So, I called my Gyno and he wanted me in ASAP once I told him the symptoms and the extreme abdominal pain I have been having. Once he saw me, he was concerned and scheduled me for some biopsies 2 weeks ago.

Then life as I knew if fell apart for me. You never expect to hear those 3 little words.

"You have Cancer"

So after going a bit numb and trying to process what he was telling me it turns out I have Endometrial Cancer.

I met with an Oncologist (never thought I would need one of those) on Friday, April 2. Good Friday of all days. When all was said and done I was scheduled for a complete Hysterectomy.

I know I will never have children and I've known that for a while and at 45 things are pretty well said and done. But I could always delude myself a bit thinking there might still be hope. But, now that is definitely gone. So I've had a hard time dealing with it. Which is strange because I thought I had come to terms with that issue years ago.

Anyway I am scheduled for surgery on the 23rd. I have no idea how long they plan on keeping me. With my past surgeries it will depend on how much scar tissue I have as to what type surgery I have. He wants to use the Da Vinci machine to assist. I guess it's all state of the art equipment and this is a well respected surgeon. It will be at St. Peters Hospital in Albany. If he can use the machine it's no worse than gall bladder surgery and I might be home the same day. If he has go the open route I will be in over the weekend.

I haven't been very good company for anyone. Most of my family doesn't even know. I haven't wanted to scare them by just saying I have cancer and not being able to tell them much more. I haven't told my nieces either .. they just know I am sick and going to have surgery to fix it. If I told them I had cancer I'm sure they would be convinced I was going to die. I know I was for the first few days.

So, the bad news is I have cancer ... the good news is ... they are 99% sure it's contained and will be completely removed by the surgery. They won't know 100% until actually removing the organs and examining them and the surrounding tissue. They can't give me an all clear until that is done.

My mood and emotions are going crazy. It's different each day. Some days I can get through the day and pretend like nothing is wrong ... other days I just cry over the littlest thing. Some days I can't handle anything more than playing stupid Facebook games. I don't have to think about anything critical. My brain is on overload.

My Anniversary - One year and counting...

Well here I am 1 year to the date of when I had my Gastric Bypass. Is life different?? Have things changed?? You bet they have. I feel like a completely new person. Come to think of it I am a new person. Half of the old me is gone. As you can see there hasn't been much posting lately. I just haven't had a lot of time to do much posting. I am busy living life again.

I am shopping and walking more and more every day. I can go up and down the stairs as often as I want now. I can buy clothes in Walmart ... even ones on Sale!! I know that might seem mundane ... but when you have spent most of your life buying clothes online in the Big and Tall Mens department it feels really nice to buy some girl clothes. I've bought my first pair of pajamas ... ever. I have pretty blouses and nice slacks ... and I actually have colors now ... it's not all black in hopes of blending in and not being seen by anyone.

I went to the movies 2 weeks ago to see AVATAR in 3D and it was fabulous! I haven't been to the movies in 20 years ... I couldn't fit in the seats. It was all I had to do to keep from crying before the movie even started - I was just so happy to be there.

It feels so good just to be able to do some normal things again. This has been quite a year .. there have been ups and downs but I wouldn't trade one single thing if it meant I couldn't be where I am now.

I still have a bit of a road ahead of me ... but looking at how far I have come just blows my mind.

Now I don't normally go flashing this pic around ... but my sister brought it to my attention just to prove to me how far I really have come.




And this is me in December at Christmas with my Sisters (April on my left and Jessy on my right)




I don't even look like the old me anymore. That person is gone ... well at least half that person is gone.

So for anyone out there wondering about this type of surgery - is it a bed of roses? Nope ... is this the easy way out? Definitely NOT! Is it worth what you go through? ABSOLUTELY!

I have my life back. For the first time in a long time I feel like there may be a future for me. I feel hopeful now that I will see my beautiful little nieces and handsome little nephew grow up and start their lives with husbands and wives and children. If I'm really lucky I might even be a Great Aunt one day. A year ago I thought my life was coming to a close. I was actually starting to write notes of what I wanted done with my things and what type of funeral I wanted. Now I wake up every day just thinking about the possibilites.

So don't give up ... don't give up on yourself ... ever. It's possible to feel alive again. I was in a very dark place - a very lonely and depressing place. It was do or die ... literally. I needed help .... I asked for it and I got it.

As I said I still have a bit of a journey ahead of me but I am going to get there.

Now I feel like I am at the Oscars ... but I would like to thank first of my Family for putting up with my mood swings and moments of panic ... crying ... excitement ... and all around craziness over the last year. Secondly I would like to thank everyone at Ellis Hospital and Bariatric who have been there for me this passed year. Without them none of this would be possible.

So big hugs to ((((((Dr. Clarke, Mike, Evelyn, Chris, Aimee, Alicia and a special hug to Ann who is an angel on earth)))))) and all those that have helped me with all my hospital visits. You all have a very special place in my heart. A heart that beats much easier now. A heart that you saved.

Thank you ♥

9 month mark

About time I updated this ... things have been busy here at the old homestead.

I had my 9 month check up last Thursday and they are quite happy with my results so far.

I'm not losing tremendously fast but that is probably for the best in the long run.

I am probably going to have to start Physical Therapy soon though. I have been having such pain in my left leg .. I thought it was Sciatic nerve issues. They are more convinced it's a nerve issue somewhere in my L5 region. My back is pretty out of whack with the major weight loss.

So I figure it can't hurt .. I'm just so tired of feeling like I have a charlie horse in my ass lol

They also want me to start the pouch flush before I eat.

I still have so many issues with being able to keep food down on a regular basis that now 1/2 hour before I eat they want me to down 12 oz of fluid to clean out any remnants that may be in my pouch. Then not to drink for an hour after I eat. I can't say as I have seen much improvement lol but then again I'm not doing so well downing the liquid either. I can't gulp down fluid like I used to be able too. I'll keep trying though and see if it helps.

always somethin' eh?


I couldn't believe a year has passed since I started this process. It was this time last year that I was about to take a long walk off a short Pier ... and now life is completely different ... I can hardly wait to see what life will be like a year from now

I go back in Feb for my year check up .... time is flying

My Version of French Onion Soup for One

This will make 3 servings.

*edit (I have been scolded lovingly from my British Chef Confidant that my soup isn't nearly dark enough ... which means I didn't cook the onions long enough to caramelize properly ... I'll get it right next time lol)

I didn't want to make a whole big batch of soup so I threw this together and it was mighty tasty.

2 med Onions or 1 really large one ... sliced thinly
1 tbs olive oil
1 tbs flour
1 tsp sugar
3 beef bouillon cubes
3 cups boiling water

Saute Onions in oil until tender and opaque. Sprinkle with sugar half way through cooking to help caramelization

Add Bouillon cubes to boiling water to dissolve

add flour to onions and stir constantly for a few minutes .. to cook out the flour taste

pour in water/bouillon cube mix

Bring to a boil , turn down and let simmer for about 15 minutes to bring all the flavors together

I didn't add any salt. The salt content in the beef cubes was enough for me. I did add a little fresh ground pepper

I don't eat bread so I just shaved some cheese into the middle of the bowl and it was might good.




This makes a good 3 servings of one cup each for me. A great little lunch for the next few days.

Sister comes for a visit

My middle sister lives out in Fort Plains and stopped by for a visit the other day. I managed to talk both sisters in to getting a "Sisters" Photo. I think they wanted to kill me.

I never used to want photos taken .. now I am always saying ... "Oooh take a picture!" lol



btw ... 176lbs gone forever :)

Apple Picking

We all went Apple picking at Bowmans today. What a great Orchard! So many different kinds of apples. I got a bag of Shamrocks .. sort of like Granny Smith. They make awesome pies.

The kids had a blast.

I nearly had a heart attack when 5 bags of apples came to 60 bucks! I thought I was going to need smelling salts!









Our Desperate Housewives Pose

Locks of Love

I received my card today.







My hair arrived safe and sound. I hope it brings joy to a special little one out there.