Monday, April 5, 2010

What Next?

Time for some updates. I haven't been posting much lately because I just can't deal with everything well right now. My mind is going 90 miles per hour and can't slow down long enough to focus well.

But, here goes:

I haven't been feeling good for a couple months and was chalking it up to the Bypass surgery. Just more bumps in the road - I'm used to it
But something kept telling me it was more than that especially when I started having abnormal bleeding. It's been so bad since the surgery I wasn't sure it wasn't surgery related. So, I called my Gyno and he wanted me in ASAP once I told him the symptoms and the extreme abdominal pain I have been having. Once he saw me, he was concerned and scheduled me for some biopsies 2 weeks ago.

Then life as I knew if fell apart for me. You never expect to hear those 3 little words.

"You have Cancer"

So after going a bit numb and trying to process what he was telling me it turns out I have Endometrial Cancer.

I met with an Oncologist (never thought I would need one of those) on Friday, April 2. Good Friday of all days. When all was said and done I was scheduled for a complete Hysterectomy.

I know I will never have children and I've known that for a while and at 45 things are pretty well said and done. But I could always delude myself a bit thinking there might still be hope. But, now that is definitely gone. So I've had a hard time dealing with it. Which is strange because I thought I had come to terms with that issue years ago.

Anyway I am scheduled for surgery on the 23rd. I have no idea how long they plan on keeping me. With my past surgeries it will depend on how much scar tissue I have as to what type surgery I have. He wants to use the Da Vinci machine to assist. I guess it's all state of the art equipment and this is a well respected surgeon. It will be at St. Peters Hospital in Albany. If he can use the machine it's no worse than gall bladder surgery and I might be home the same day. If he has go the open route I will be in over the weekend.

I haven't been very good company for anyone. Most of my family doesn't even know. I haven't wanted to scare them by just saying I have cancer and not being able to tell them much more. I haven't told my nieces either .. they just know I am sick and going to have surgery to fix it.
If I told them I had cancer I'm sure they would be convinced I was going to die. I know I was for the first few days.

So, the bad news is I have cancer ... the good news is ... they are 99% sure it's contained and will be completely removed by the surgery. They won't know 100% until actually removing the organs and examining them and the surrounding tissue. They can't give me an all clear until that is done.

My mood and emotions are going crazy. It's different each day. Some days I can get through the day and pretend like nothing is wrong ... other days I just cry over the littlest thing. Some days I can't handle anything more than playing stupid Facebook games. I don't have to think about anything critical. My brain is on overload.

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